NGO | BRAWN NEVER DIES | FROM
INDIA WITH LOVE | YOU ONLY PHIL TWICE
Q. How do
you pronounce the title?
A. "Mr. No." It's a play on "Dr.
No." Geez people, wasn't the "Ngo Fear" joke
a big enough hint?
Q. Why is
Spqqky trying to destroy the U.S. toy industry?
A. Didn't he explain it well
enough himself? Heck, the guy put up a Shockaract on eBay
weeks before BotCon 2000, is there anything he WOULDN'T do?
did Spqqky get all those tank drones from?
A. Beast Machines: The Lost
Episodes, Episode 10/13. They were sent to Earth by Megatron
to destroy Phil Bond. Heck, if it weren't for four certain
Autobots, they would have succeeded!
the deal with "Tommy?"
A. Well, in case you
didn't pick up on the BROAD hints, Tommy is Agent Ngo (again,
pronounced "No"). Tommy, Bergstorm, and Fritz are
real people that I'm in Track with at UW Eau Claire. Tommy
never shows up for practice, so this is a sort of roundabout way
of explaining why. I've never actually shown the fic to him,
Q. Why is
Agent Ngo singing "Secret Asian Man?" Isn't it
"Secret Agent Man?"
A. Uh, 'cuz he's and
Asian-American? Subtle, people, very subtle.
A. A guy I went to High School
with. He opted to join the armed forces instead of go off to
college. I've always wondered why he never heard from him
the deal with Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Jazz, Perceptor, the
Afro/timer, and the Magenta vortex?
A. One thing at a
time. The Autobots are Skidders, from the Transformers
World's Worst storyline, Lost Worlds. Since a new fic hasn't
been added to that storyline since -- oh -- about April, I thought
I'd let everyone know how their favorite Skidders were doing.
As for the Afro, it belonged to Alternate Universe Soundwave.
As for the Magenta Vortex... any time anything bad happened in
Sliders, the vortex/einstien/rosen-bridge was magenta-colored.
the @#$& is the deal with Andy Kaufman?
A. Okay, I'll admit it
now. The bit where Phil Bond is in the Agency is based
loosely off of a dream I once had where I was Phil Bond, and Chris
Deschane came into my room at "The Agency" looking for
porn. We got orders to evacuate the president, so that's
where the underground tunnel to the Oval Office comes in.
Then I encounter another Phil Bond, and since it's not possible
for two Phils to exist in the same space/time, I had a mental
breakdown. That's when the technician with us, who looked
exactly like Andy Kaufman, starting babbling incoherently and
disappeared. Then the dream frayed at the edges and melted
away. It was just a movie being played by Andy/Jim Carrey.
Everything that happened in the fic with him is almost verbatim
what happened in the dream. Truth. I'm so ashamed...
the deal with the title?
A. Aside from being a play on
the James Bond film "Tomorrow Never Dies", the title
specifically refers to people who refuse to believe that Brawn
died in Transformers: The Movie where the Decepticons boarded the
Autobot shuttle and made everyone inside go 'splodey.
There's contention as to the death of Brawn because he only got
shot in the shoulder, but died anyway. That, and his tech
specs specifically name him as being immune to the type of weapon
that Megatron uses. Meh.
Brawn is alive?
A. No. Yes. Maybe.
It's probably the most debated aspect of the Transformers mythos
aside from RIRFIB FIRRIB. Brawn didn't have a coffin in the
G1 Season 3 episode Dark Awakening, which also happens to be the
first post-mortem appearance of Optimus Prime. As for Brawn,
however, there's a perfectly fantastic tale about his
Death/Not-Death written by Transformers World's Worst
collaborator, David Willis [ http://www.itswalky.com/transformers/fanfic/brawn.html
A. Rumble is Red Frenzy is
Blue, Frenzy is Red Rumble is Blue. The toys and comic book
claim the former, and the TV show claims the latter.
Everyone has their preference.
obviously FIRRIB is correct, right?
A. We're not going to get into
that now. Nor ever.
Q. Who is Renaud? And what's the deal with those evil moderators?
A. Renaud Lefebvre is the
proprietor of Bigbot.com and Bigbot.net. He is infamous in
the fandom for the way he runs his message board, etc. etc.
Our Renaud is a fictional character based on the exaggeration of
these claims and in no way is meant to represent the real man.
But we do think it's really funny. We don't take this stuff
seriously. Do you?
did Renaud claim to have past dealings with Phil Bond?
A. Why indeed? Maybe
it's because Phil really is a secret agent who's had his memory
wiped in order to protect The Agency, so he doesn't remember.
Or maybe he's not the real Phil Bond. Anyone who's read
"You Only Phil Twice" knows the answer to that.
with Phil's new outfit?
A. It was from a picture that
Dave "Machina" Reynolds drew of Phil to look more like
Solid Snake. We just kind of ran with it. It seemed to
be a good outfit for an excursion to the sub-arctic tundra that is
up with Herb Kohl?
A. Herb Kohl is a U.S. Senator
representing Wisconsin. In the previous story, Mr. Ngo, he
was used to "bait" Phil to test his prowess as a secret
agent, Willy Wonka style. It just seemed logical, in that
illogical sort of way, to continue his influence in the ongoing
Phil Bond saga.
Speaking of which... Chaunkah Hebrew? Do you WANT to get
A. Hey! It was a holiday
story! And making Christmas episodes is so cliché.
Besides, we had already used Herb Kohl, so it only made sense to
bring in our other Senator. You should have seen the ads for
Feingold's campaigns in 1992. Come on, it was worth it for
that "grain of salt" joke wasn't it? ...wasn't it?
India With Love
Q. Who is
A. He's a Punjabi artist
turned Pop star from India. He first came to our attention
on April Fool's Day 2001 when a music video of his from a song
called "Tunak Tunak Tun" was joking passed off as the
title sequence to the upcoming Robots in Diguise series. A
good time was had by all.
So... WHY Daler Mendhi?
A. Come on, have you SEEN
these videos? There's something about that pudgy man in a
turban that seems to get all of the women in his videos hot and
bothered. Who better to be a "Bond" villain than
Q. Why is
everyone so surprised to see PrimeX?
A. PrimeX was a lackey of
Spqqky in Mr. Ngo, and perhaps Phil's greatest personal foe.
He was whisked away in a magenta vortex, along with all the tank
drone toys, when the Skidders from TFWW showed up in a
conveniently plot-driven moment. In Sliders, the inspiration
for the spoof Skidders, whenever a magenta vortex swallowed
something whole it was meant to show plot-wise how incredibly
dangerous the situation was. No one ever returned from a
magenta vortex. But when the Sliders changed wormholes,
suddenly every episode was a magenta vortex episode, which I guess
is more artistic irony than an oversight. PrimeX actually
found his way home, which is a no-no in any cross-dimensional
A. It occurred to me that
Chris might not appreciate me using his name, so this allows him
to become his own character rather than a terribly unfunny
in-joke. I don't think it's working.
on... a hooker?
A. This is actually a funny
story. It had been intended to include the pickup of the
hooker for quite a while when the REAL Phil Bond had a very
similar experience that was actually better than the written one.
So it was changed to reflect the real world situation a little
more closely. Still, the fiction came first, not the actual
event. Yet another case of life imitating art. Well,
if you can call it art...
does Liz hate Angelina Jolie so much?
A. Do you have to even ask?
She's trying to steal her man!
did PrimeX do to Liz's Scorponok toy?
A. He enhanced its
"hug" mode, making it a lethal killing machine. Of
course, it missed Phil, its originally intended target, and hit
Mendhi instead. Ouch.
Only Phil Twice
the real Phil Kevin Spacey in From India With Love?
A. Yes. But if James
Bond isn't the same actor from movie to movie, why should Phil
Bond be consistent from story to story?
Wouldn't it have been funnier if the real Phil Bond was someone
that could have never been mistaken for our Phil?
what's Edward Norton's story?
A. Phil defected to CAINE, the
Canadian version of The Agency, where he supposedly met and
befriended Renaud (from "Brawn Never Dies"), and later
betrayed CAINE in favor of furthering his burgeoning acting
A. Nick Dudycha (pronouced
"Dude-ick-a", hence the joke) is someone I know from
track who I promised would be a Bond villain in the next story.
I sort of kept that promise. And yes, people really made fun
of his name like that.
William Shatner? Leonard Nimoy? What the hell?
A. Well, Shatner's story is
more or less self-explanatory as to the nature of the Agency, but
the character of Leonard Nimoy was both a "Return of the
King" gag and a play on Spock's role in wanting to
"reunify" Vulcans with their cousins the Romulans -- in
this case, AABEL and CAINE respectively.
A. Did you never see those
there a point to any of this?
A. Yeah. It's time to
wipe away the old storyline in favor of a newer, better one.
One that makes more sense. One that's not riddled with
in-jokes. And the beginning of the end of that starts with
Robots in Disguise: The Lost OAV! The results of that series
will forever alter the course of Phil's life, and everyone living
in his universe...