<10:00pm, Saturday, 8 September 2001 -- Nerima, Tokyo, Japan>

Koji Onishi is at home watching the evening news on television.  He doesn't look too happy.  There's a story on the TV about advancements in robotics technology, but Koji just gets angry and turns off the television.

Koji's Mom (translated from Japanese): <Koji!  Dinner!>

Koji: Coming, mom...

<At the same time -- 9:00am, Saturday, 8 September 2001 -- Feel Good Sublet of the Summer -- Madison, Wisconsin>

Phil is on his computer at home typing into chat windows in AOL Instant Messenger while he's watching the morning news and preparing to leave for the University of Wisconsin Engineering Expo.  All of a sudden a message from TheOrange pops up on his monitor.

TheOrange: <via AIM> Listen, Phil.  We have to talk.  It's about this toy you gave me.

Phil Bond: <typing into AIM> Could you hold on a minute?  I'm kind of busy.

Phil looks at the television off screen, but the muffled sounds of the broadcast can be heard.  Phil talks out loud to anyone who can hear him, mostly himself since there's no one else around.

Phil Bond: Can you believe this new news team?  It's sick how little they know.

TheOrange: <via AIM> Now, I distinctly remember you borrowing my C-9.8 G1 Megatron last year.  I also remember you saying something about losing it on Cybertron.  I gave you points for originality, but I still wanted you to pay me back.  Remember?  Phil?

Phil Bond: That weather girl doesn't belong there.  She's so much smarter than the rest of them, but she acts dumb so she won't stand out too much.  They keep calling that picture of the moon "too dark".  No matter how many times she tells them it's a picture of the current "new moon", they're never going to know what it is...

TheOrange: <via AIM> You gave me a Soundwave, Phil.  Sure, it came with Buzzsaw, the battery clip is still intact, and you even sent the box with it, but it's just not a C-9.8 G1 Megatron, you know what I'm saying?  I know you think that the stickers were never really applied correctly, but the thing was practically case fresh!

Phil Bond: God, just listen to these idiots.  They think they're so damned funny.

TheOrange: <via AIM> I know you got busy, what with your new job in Washington D.C. and all.  But hey, if you have to tell yourself that you're a secret agent just to make it easier for yourself, it's no skin off my nose, right?  I just want you to repay me for a very expensive item.  I'll even settle for a Takara re-release.

Phil Bond: They're talking about a new moon like it's this new thing they saw on primetime last night.  "So how does that work?  Why does it get so dark like that?"  The less they know, the more they talk about how little they know.  "I don't know..."  "Yeah, I don't know"  "It's crazy."  "Wild."  "Yeah, that's not..."  "I think it was the title of one of the movies."  "Maybe."  "Huh."

TheOrange: <via AIM> Dude, are you even listening to me?

Phil Bond: I'd shoot them, but then they news story would just be on the air in the hands of an even more inept reporting team.  They'd probably bring in people from ABC to help...

TheOrange: <via AIM> PHIL!

Phil Bond: <typing into AIM> Yeah, I hear you.  The computer must have... locked up or something.

TheOrange: <via AIM> Uh huh.

Phil Bond: Look, can we talk about this later?  I'm going to be late.  The Engineering Expo is today.

Phil logs off.

TheOrange: <via AIM> Don't try to change the subject.  Hello?  Phil?  Are you there?

<Nerima, Tokyo>

Koji: Itadakimasu.

Koji's mom looks at her rather downcast son over her bowl of curry rice.  He doesn't even look away from his own bowl.

Koji's Mom (translated from Japanese): <Your principal called today.  He said that they caught you hitting on your teachers again.>

Koji (translated from Japanese): <So I'm a teacher's pet.  Big deal.  That doesn't mean I pet the teachers.>

Koji's Mom: <That is not what I mean, Koji.  Your father and I are worried about you.>

Koji: <If he's so worried, why isn't he here?>

Koji slurps down his rice curry as his mother just stares at her chopsticks.

Koji's Mom: <Look, Koji, I know that I only appear in one episode, never to be seen again for the rest of the series, but it's important that you listen to me.>

Koji: Yeah, whatever.

Koji's Mom: <What did you say?>

Koji pushes his empty bowl away and stands up from the table.

Koji: Oyasumi-nasai!

<Koji's Bedroom>

Koji sits in his bunk bed under the covers.  He dials a number on his flip-top video cell phone to the ticking of his Heinlad Beast Wars: Neo Transformers clock.

Koji: Dad, are you there?  Come on, answer.

Dr. Onishi: Son, what are you doing calling me this late?  I can't believe your mother would let--

Koji: She didn't.  I just wanted to talk to you, dad.

Dr. Onishi: I understand, son, but it's important that you listen to your mother.  Look, I understand that she won't appear after this episode, but...

Koji: When are you coming home?  I miss you.

Dr. Onishi: Soon.  I promise.  I have to finish my work here in America first.

Koji: When?

Dr. Onishi: I'm sorry, Koji.  I have to go.

Dr. Onishi's image goes dark after a blip, and Koji closes his phone.

Koji: Good night, dad...

<Later that day -- University of Wisconsin Engineering Expo, Madison Wisconsin>

Dr. Onishi: I've devoted my life to the practical application of high-powered mecha for military and civilian use.  I am proud to say that my work is nearing completion.  This model could be ready for production within the next five to ten years.

Phil looks behind the Japanese scientist.  Pan up on the 15-foot tall Mobile Suit.

Phil Bond: Woah... GUNDAM.

Phil eyes the strange Control Suit next to the scientist.  It looks like a sailor's outfit, except "accessorized".

Phil Bond: What's with the schoolgirl outfit?  Is it supposed to be some kind of plug suit for your Eva?

Dr. Onishi: <visibly annoyed> This is a Control Suit.  Its design is perfectly attenuated to the fine-tuned control and interface necessary to pilot this Mobile Suit.  Where you see a light blue schoolgirl outfit with a short skirt and white frillies, I see a highly technical and complex piece of advanced machinery.

Phil Bond: Dude, you're never going to get anyone to wear that thing.

A loud crash is heard outside off screen, followed by people screaming.  Phil turns around to look through the windows to see what's happening outside when an experimental corn-powered car comes crashing through the front doors.  Most of the windows in the immediate vicinity shatter when the ground shakes a moment later, almost enough to be considered a brief earthquake.  Phil slowly walks to the front of the building to peer outside.  A reptilian styled purple and black jet takes up much of the outside courtyard, obviously powering down.

Phil Bond: What... is this another part of the Expo?  Don't tell me that thing is powered on happy thoughts, or something.

Before anyone can answer the question, the jet begins to shift and change.  It transforms into a giant purple, black, and gold robot.  More screams emanate from people trying to run away.

Phil Bond: A Transformer?  No way!  This is the coolest thing ever!  Who built this one, does anyone know?  Wow!  It's so lifelike!

<Robot's P.O.V.> The robot scans the area and locks on to the image of Phil, comparing it to some kind of file within its own memory.

Megatron: Phil Bond.  I know you're here.  You will come with me immediately.  The prophecies of the Book of Primus must be fulfilled.  Your assistance is required if I am to rule this puny planet.

Phil stays frozen in place as hundreds of onlookers stare at him.

Phil Bond: Who, me?  You must mean some other Phil Bond.  There's at least one other.  I met him last month.  Cool guy.  Looks a lot like Edward Norton.

The robot begins moving towards Phil, and cries of panic are renewed as the robot steps on the water fountain sculpture in the middle of the courtyard.

Phil Bond: Oh boy...

<Several Minutes Later -- Nerima, Tokyo, Japan>

Koji: <Oh... Miss Nakamura... your hands are so gentle...>

Koji's Mom: <Koji!  Come quick!>

Koji jumps out of bed, almost landing on his head.  He runs into the living room where his mother is clutching the laundry.  Koji rubs his eyes and sees the image on the screen.  A giant purple robot looms closer to a camera crew.  Koji sees a familiar mobile suit and spies the very familiar face of his...

Koji: <Dad!>

Koji foolishly tries to contact his father on his video cell phone.

Koji: <Dad!  Dad!  Answer me!  Please!>

Koji's Dad (via the cell phone): <Son, what the hell makes you think I'd want to answer my phone at a time like this!?>

Koji: <But dad, I...>

The image of Dr. Onishi disappears and is replaced by that of a very familiar helmeted head.

Optimus Prime: Fear not, human one!  I, Optimus Prime will save your father!

Koji: <Who the hell are you?  Where's my dad?  Give back my dad!>

Optimus Prime: Meet me at the park three blocks down from your house.

Koji: <What?  In the middle of the night?  Are you nuts?  And how the hell do you know where I live anyway?>

Optimus Prime: Um...

The cell phone suddenly goes dead.

<Autobot Base, Somewhere Underground>

Optimus Prime and X-Brawn monitor the situation as the holographic image of T-AI coalesces behind them.

Optimus Prime: T-AI!  Where are the Predacons now?

T-AI: Uisuconshin desu!

Optimus Prime: Wisconsin?  Good!  Leave them there!

X-Brawn: But Prime, didn't you tell that boy you'd help save his father?

Optimus Prime: <suddenly serious> No matter the cost...

X-Brawn: So are you going to initiate Battle Protocol or what?

Optimus Prime: Huh?  Oh, right.  T-AI!

T-AI: Hai!  Faia Convoy!

Optimus Prime: No, T-AI, my name is Optimus Prime.

T-AI: Hai!  Faia Convoy!

Optimus Prime: No, T-AI, I'm... fine, whatever.  Initiate battle protocol!  Get Side Burn and Prowl to Madison, Wisconsin on the double.

T-AI: Hai!  Faia Convoy!  Supasu Burijyu wo tsukaimasyou ne?

Optimus Prime: No, T-AI, it's not even cloudy today.

T-AI: Sou...

Optimus Prime: X-Brawn, you're with me!

The two Autobots transform into their vehicle modes and race out of the Autobot Base.  A pathway opens at a sharp angle in an underground parking lot.  X-Brawn races over the edge with ease, but Optimus Prime's lengthy wheel base works against him.  He's stuck on the edge, teetering.

Optimus Prime: Now this is embarrassing...

<Osaka, Japan>

Vinnk and Panda get off the train.  Both college students are significantly taller than the Japanese commuters.

Panda: Isn't Japan great?

Vinnk: Yeah, I already bought a Neo Geo.  I think we're going to have a good semester here.

As the two are talking, a red sports car drives by on the street in front of them, followed closely by a blue sports car.  They are both soon followed by a white Lamborghini that is painted like a police car, its sirens flaring.  Moments later, the Lamborghini transforms into a robot and pounces on top of the blue sports car.

Prowl: Side Burn!  How many times have I told you that Battle Protocols are serious things!  Report with me to the United States at once!

Side Burn: Aw, chill out, bro.  It's in Wisconsin.  How serious can it be?

Prowl: You may be right, but it is our duty to serve and protect, not swerve and break traffic codes!

Prowl transforms back into a car, and the two vehicles turn a corner and disappear in a FLASH of light.  Panda and Vinnk stare open-mouthed at the spectacle.

Panda: Dude... Japan... is... AWESOME!

<Back in Madison, Wisconsin>

As Megatron is bearing down on Phil, he poses dramatically for the camera.

Megatron: Look at me, puny flesh creatures, and fear!  I am MEGATRON!  I have come to take over your world!  <to camera man> No!  What did I tell you about videotaping my bad side?

Camera Man: I'm sorry!  Don't eat me!

Just as Megatron transforms into his bat mode to lay into the cameraman, three cars jump out of nowhere and transform into robots.  The blue one lands in front of Phil Bond as the other two land on the opposite side of the now-bat Megatron.

Phil: Okay.  Right.  And you are supposed to be?

Side Burn:  Hi!  I’m Side Burn!  I’m an angsty teen stereotype who reviles authority!

Phil Bond: What the?  What did you just say?  What’s the matter with you?  No one talks like that.

Side Burn: I’m sorry, I don’t get a lot of screen time this episode, and I have to make sure that the kids know what my personality is like!

<cut - Eau Claire, Wisconsin>

TheOrange is alone at home, holding a C-10 G1 Soundwave like it's a gun.

TheOrange: It's just not the same...

</cut>

Side Burn: Tape recorder?  What are you talking about?  We're Autobots!

Phil Bond: <skeptical> Uh huh.  If you're an Autobot, then where's Optimus Prime.

Side Burn: Oh, he should be here any minute...

<At the same time -- Terima, Tokyo, Japan>

A Fire truck thunders down the nighttime streets of Tokyo, carrying a lone human occupant.

Koji: Who are you?

Optimus Prime: My name is Optimus Prime.  I am an Autobot.

Koji: One of those robots?  Like that jerk who kidnapped my father?

Optimus Prime: No, Koji, you are misguided...

Koji: Who are you calling misguided, rust for brains!

Optimus Prime: Well, you did meet me alone in the middle of the night in an empty park, and you didn't even know who I was.

Koji: Good point.  You don't make a habit of this, do you?

Optimus Prime: Who told you?!  I mean... no...

<Back at the Battle>

As Phil is contemplating his situation, a giant skunk, toad, and flying squirrel join the fray and transform in to robots.

Phil Bond: Someone call Toys R Us, I think a truck got away from them...

Side Burn: You're strange.  Well, It was nice talking to you strange little human, but now it's time to kick some Predacon tail!

Phil Bond: Predacon?  What--?  Never mind.  Do whatever you like, Cheetor.

Side Burn: I AM NOT CHEETOR!

Side Burn looks as though he's about to run away when two of the Predacons pounce on him, almost destroying the nearby building in the process.

Phil Bond: Oh, this is freakin' ridiculous.

Phil quickly puts on the light blue Control Suit with white frillies next to the mecha display and climbs into the fifteen foot tall Mobile Suit.

Dr. Onishi: Phil-san!  What are you doing?

Phil Bond: I'm taking action.  I'm not entirely convinced that I'm awake right now, but still -- someone who's competent has to battle this big purple triple changer...

Dr. Onishi: Are you crazy!  You can't!

Phil Bond: Don't worry, I've seen lots of anime and I already know that teenagers are best-equipped to pilot mecha.  Sure, I'm 19, but...

Dr. Onishi: It's not going to work!

Phil Bond: Okay, I'm 20, but that shouldn't matter, right?

Dr. Onishi: No, you fool!  That's only a full-sized plastic model!  It doesn't actually work!  Get down from there before you hurt yourself.

Phil looks at the giant robot slowly moving towards him, then looks down at himself.

Phil Bond: Wow, this is embarrassing AND emasculating.

Side Burn rolls on the ground nearby, using the wall of one building to stop.  He blocks the next blow with his sheild, but the shield begins to crack.  Fluid begins to pour down the damaged spot on his arm.

Side Burn: Aw, Slappy, I didn't know you cared...

Slapper: Don't call me "Slappy", AutoSchmuck!

Nearby, Prowl fires a missile at Gas Skunk, scoring a direct hit.  The Predacon flies into the nearest Building from the impact.  When he gets up some wires are visibly hanging out and are sparking with electricity.  Megatron steps in and swats Prowl away with little effort.

Megatron: Stand in my way, Autobot, and I'll make certain that you are the first to die!

Phil watches from inside the Mobile Suit model the spectacle with a mixed sense of fear and personal pride.  He briefly looks down at his Control Suit.

Phil Bond: I think I should get down now while no one is watching...

Megatron: Don't bother, venerable Phil Bond!  I have been waiting a long time to meet you.  Come with me now...

Megatron transforms into a jet and a tractor beam hauls Phil Bond -- still inside the mock-up Mobile Suit -- and the nearby Dr. Onishi who is desperately trying to save his equipment.

Phil Bond: What the hell is going on here?

Megatron: Don't worry, Mr. Bond.  It will all be explained in due time...

Megatron flies away into the horizon, and the Predacons retreat.

<Somewhere in the massive network of interconnecting tunnels that is the Global Space Bridge>

Koji: Are we there yet?

Optimus Prime: Um... sure.

Koji: You aren't lost, are you?

Optimus Prime: Don't be silly!

>To Be Continued