Action Master Bamt!
Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes, Season 2 - Battle for the Manhole
The Lost Episodes: A Fanfic of Not-Quite-Epic Proportions
Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes
Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes, Season 2 - Battle for the Manhole
Robots in Disguise: The Lost OAV
The Misdaventures of Phil Bond, Accidental Secret Agent
Episode 22 - The Return Of...
by Traegorn RavenHawk - 14.MAY.2002
Lost Episodes Reading Order  < 27 > 

Last time on Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes:


The Last Autobot: Are you sure this is where the Maximals are stationed?  Looks like a rat hole to me.

Benny: Maybe I made a mistake.  I could have sworn there was something here.

Just as the two are about to leave, the massive Oracle screen springs to life.

The Oracle: Alpha Trion unit recognizes the Last Autobot.

Benny: Holy...

The Last Autobot: Now that's something you don't see every day.


Benny: <slowly putting down the Box with wires on it that we've dubbed "The Last Autobot">  Well look at that, bitch, a f***in' Stargate...

The Last Autobot: A what-gate?  Listen, whippersnapper, you better watch your language around your elders, or god help me I'll...

Benny: You'll what <twitch>, complain more often... kiddie...

The Last Autobot: Kiddie?  I was kicking Decepticon tail long before you were a twinkle in your Mail-man's eye!  In fact, I ought to come over there and pound the...

Benny: Come over here how?  You're a box with a screen on it.  <takes two steps away> all right, come and get me. <waits a few seconds>  What?  Not going to move? 

The Last Autobot: <remains silent> 

Benny: Oh wait, that's right, no legs.  Alright, I'll come over there. <Walks directly in front of the screen> Okay, I'm ready to get pounded. 

The Last Autobot: <manages to glare>

Benny: What? Weren't you going to "pound the tarnation out of me"?  Oh, wait, I forgot... You don't have any f***ing arms either!

The Last Autobot: Why I oughta...

Benny: Oughta what?  Oughta sit there on the ground for a few goddamned minutes while I confirm a few f***ing suspicions about this swirly thing? Sounds like a brilliant f***ing idea...

<Benny approaches the Oracle>

Benny: So... are you that Oracle thingie Tankorr told me about back between episodes 9a and 10/13?

Oracle: Ummm.... maybe?

Benny: Bitch, what do you mean "maybe"!?

Oracle: So I am, just... just don't let it get around that I said anything.

Benny: What?

Oracle: I'm supposed to be all cryptic and stuff, and I said something that was... well... not cryptic and stuff.

Benny: Are you sure this is you making f***ing sense?

Oracle: Ummm... yeah?

Benny: You know, for an omnipotent computer supposedly guiding the fate of the planet, you sure do seem rather bitch-ass unsure of yourself.

Oracle: I'm just not good at personal, one to one conversation... I'm not used to it.

Benny: Uh huh... 

Oracle: Now, Cryptic visions of Destiny... that I can do!

Benny: Good. <smiles to himself.>

Oracle: Why, what do you need?

Benny: <runs over, and grabs the The Last Autobot and holds it up to the Oracle> So, now that I have the Last Autobot, how the hell am I supposed to Save Cybertron with him?  He's clueless!

Oracle: Let me take a look.... <The Oracle swirls a bit>  Oooh... ummm, I have something to tell you.... and you're not going to like it...

Benny: <Narrows his eyes> What.

Oracle: That's not the Last Autobot.

(Not?) The Last Autobot: The Last Auto-who?

Benny: What! But... you just said he WAS the Last Autobot a few minutes ago.

Oracle: Well... I goofed.  He was behind a plant at the time...

Benny: Behind a Plant!

What Benny Thought Was the Last Autobot: Can one of you two tell me what the hell yer talkin' about?!

Benny: Bitch, how the hell do you screw up somethin' like that!

Oracle: Well, this Cheetor kid keeps chewing on my cables, and... yeah.  That box there is just an AI simulation of the Autobot Kup.  He has no spark.

Benny: Kup!?  I thought you said your name was "Optimus Prime"!

AI Kup: Seemed more impressive at the time!  Plus, at my age, how can you expect me to remember my own damned name!

Oracle: Your Quest for the Last Autobot is not in vain though, for he walks amongst those who see the future...

Benny: Dammit! That's Enough! <Drops the AI Simulation of Kup> I'm out of here! <Runs off>

AI Kup: So, you ever see this real Last Autobot?

Oracle: Oh yeah, he's around here all the time...

<Cut to Cybertronian sewers>

Benny: Damned lying bitch....

Voice: failure...

Benny: <stops suddenly> Who!?

Voice: it's me.... kiddie

Benny: <starts running again> You're dead....

Voice: no...not completely...

Benny: That makes no sense, bitch...

Voice: my... spark... holds a foothold in your world... inside you...

Benny: What? <stops running again>

Voice: because we were bonded....and you were struck with the key.... i was able to transfer my spark into you...

Benny: And you want me to....

Voice: i need you to.... i need you to build... something for me....

Benny: If it'll get you to shut up....

<In an abandoned Maximal Starship Factory>

Geever: Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Crawley: <from underneath a control panel> Sure, see - the way I figure it...  if we can build a  Transwarp ship, we can travel through both space and time back to the year 2000 on Earth...

Geever: It's probably 2002 by now...

Crawley: Meh, what's your point?  It's *time travel*, we can go back to when we *left*. You remember Back to the Future!

Geever: And I remember Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, where Time was still relative.  I mean, man, you've been reading too many comics at  Westfield Comics, located in Scenic Madison, WI.

Crawley: What was that?

Geever: I'm... I'm not sure... I think... I think it was product placement.

Crawley: Damned existing in a fictional continuity...  we need to get back to the real world...

Geever: I heartily agree.

Crawley: I think this should... 

Benny: <Bursts in, weapons loaded> get... out... you have thirty seconds.

Crawley & Geever: Yipe! <run off>

Benny: <Surveys factory> this.... this will do nicely....

<Benny begins to approach a half completed shuttle and begins to rip parts of it off>

Benny: yes... quite nicely indeed...

<At the Citadel>

Voice of Megatron: Yessss... quite nicely indeed.

A Red eyed Diagnostic Drone, with the name "Megatron" stamped clearly on the side, rises towards a mass of scaffolding and construction equipment.  At it's core sits the mostly completed form of a Transformer body.

Obsidian: I am sorry that we had not completed the project before the demise of your previous form, my liege.  The attack was... unexpected to say the least.

Megatron: The delay in construction is acceptable.  Although I was not surprised by the Dinobot's strike, it was still an unlikely one.  You were prepared enough to have already begun construction though . . . and it's not like I was forced to do something stupid and disgraceful like hop around from robot to robot, only to find myself in some unexpected form... yesssss...

Bob Skir Drone:  <Laughs nervously> Heh heh, who would ever have an idea that stupid... heh

Marty Isenberg Drone: You did Bob, remember?  You said "Hey Marty, we should have--

Skir: Shut up Marty.

Marty: Fine... hey, now that Megatron is in a Drone body, we all look the same, and...

Skir: If you make a "Three Stooges" joke, I'll hurt you.  Severely.

Marty: Party Pooper.

Megatron: Ahem...  as I was saying.  This new form is perfect... yesssss.... I do believe the irony shant be lost upon our Maximal foes.  We are much closer to the final victory than Optimus could ever know.

Thrust: Heh, maybe I'm just not able to see this whole thing.... but we lost the Sparks.  How the hell are we closer to victory?

Megatron: Sigh...  because, you imbecile, Optimus will now be distracted.  No longer will he just  be attempting to defend the life of his team, but he will attempting to protect every lost soul of this planet.  His priorities will shift, and I doubt the other Maximal fools will notice.  The Sparks, part of Optimus' own grand plans, will become higher on his list than the soldiers who trust him.  They will falter, assuming Optimus will catch them... but he'll be too busy playing babysitter to help.... yesssss.....

Strika: Da, now don't you feel stupid...

Thrust: Go to hell, at least no one has accused me of being the Eastern European Arcee...

Strika: Why you....

Thrust: <Raises center claw> Swivel on it, Bertha. <drives off>

Strika: I will ki...

Megatron: <coughs> Get back to work.

Strika: Da, my liege, I will... get back to work.

Megatron: My body's completion is priority.  Thrust is not needed until later.  Yessss....

Marty: Wow, this must really be a big deal.  He hasn't said "Yessss...." this often since Season 1...

Skir: Shut up Marty. And Fanfic writer!

TRH: What?

Skir: Stop having Megatron say "Yessss..." all the damned time!

Suddenly, a tank drone falls on the Bob Skir Drone.

Marty: Y'know, Bob, I think this is one of those "Learn to keep your big mouth shut" times.

Skir: <From underneath Tank drone> Shut up Marty.

<The Cybertronian Sewers>

Geever: Well, at least he's not chasing us this time...

Crawley: Seemed in a bit of a hurry though...

Geever: Meh.  Stop thinking about it.

Crawley: Yeah, it would only hurt my head I think.  Sort of like trying to figure out why someone wouldn't want to go to No Brand Con, in Eau Claire, WI.  For more information, go to

Geever: Ack!

Crawley: I am reeeeeally getting tired of that.

Geever: You and me both, Baldo.

Crawley:  I think I might have hair these days.

Geever: Not in this continuity.

Crawley: Damn... we really have to get back to the real world.

Geever: Yeah...

<awkward silence>

Crawley:  It's a bit too quiet.

Geever: What do you mean?

Crawley: I mean, every time we sit down and have these conversations - just when it seems to get as normal as it can...

Geever: All hell breaks loose?

Crawley: Yeah.

Geever:  Damn...  well, lets brace ourselves at least.

<several cringing minutes later>

Crawley: Huh, I wonder why nothing has....

Thrust: <Barrels through, knocking our everyman heroes aside> Out of my way, meat mounds!

Crawley: <falls over> ...happened...

Thrust continues on his way, rounding corners sharply, attempting to avoid detection.   He shortly arrives at his goal... a very familiar looking manhole.

Voice from the Darkness: Were you followed?

Thrust: Of course not.

Voice: So you have it, then?

Thrust: <Holds up a small rectangular package> Of course.

Voice: Good... good... it's just been... so long.

Thrust: Hehe... I know.  You ready then?

Voice: Of course <Steps out from shadows, revealing self to be Silverbolt>

Thrust: Good then <Opens package to reveal a deck of cards.>

Silverbolt: Your deal or mine?

<Back at the Citadel of Swank>

Megatron floats across the room, flying through the scaffolding, we finally get a close up look at parts of the new body.  Portions of the form are seen in close up.  It all looks eerily familiar.

Megatron: <Settles next to Obsidian> How is the work progressing.

Obsidian: Weapon systems completion shall be finished within the hour; however, the rest of the body... 

Megatron: The rest of the body is what?  Do not tell me you have fallen behind schedule, Obsidian...

Obsidian: Quite the opposite, my liege.

Megatron: <Gives an inquisitive look>

Obsidian: As I was saying, the rest of the body is now ready, and prepared for activation, my liege.

Megatron: It is... ready?

Obsidian: Yes.

Megatron: <begins to laugh> Brilliant.

Skir: <Floats in> What's going on?

Marty: <Follows> Yeah, what's up?

Megatron:  My new form... my glorious new shell shall be online shortly, and almost ready to destroy Optimus!

Skir: <Looks dumbfounded> Ulp... Already?

Megatron: Yesssss.....

Marty: Ummm, Bob, wasn't that supposed to still be in construction for a few more episodes?

Skir: Yeah... yeah it was...  Ummm, how'd you guys get it done so fast?

Obsidian: Simple, that dunderhead Thrust wasn't around to muck it up.

Marty: Uhh, did you *actually* just say "dunderhead"?

Skir: So, where *is* Thrust....

<At the manhole>

Thrust: Go fish.

Silverbolt: Damn!

<Back to the Citadel>

Marty: <shrugs> No idea.

Skir: I have a very bad feeling about this.

Marty: ... wait... *you* have a bad feeling about this?

Skir: Yeah.

Marty: <looks worried> You aren't supposed to have *any* feelings, let alone bad ones.  You're *Bob*, for pete's sake.

Skir: Never the less... it's true.  This does not bode well...

Marty: No... no it does not...

Megatron: Silence your babbling, drones.  It is time for you to witness my ascension.  I shall raise myself to a glory that none of you could have ever dreamed of!  Prepare to see the beginning... the beginning of the end!

Megatron slams a large power conduit into the center of his Drone body's eye.  A red glow emanates from the diminutive form.  Slowly the glow travels along the cable... slowly reaching the hulking robotic form that sits in shadows.  A burst of energy shoots up the cable, and the essence of Megatron pours into the shadowed figure.  It's eyes slowly flicker, and the glow from the cable fades. 

A few moments pass, the room is silent with anticipation.

And the eyes on the robotic megolith snap on, blazing a bright red.

Shadowed Form: Yesssss......

Skir: This is bad.

Marty: Very bad.

<Elsewhere... in an abandoned starship factory that has just become active>

Benny: <Stands, wiping sweat and grease from his forehead> ...finally....

Voice: ...yes.... now there is only one thing that remains...

Benny: ...what's that, bitch.

Voice: ....i have to figure out how to get the heck out of you...

Benny: You... what?

Voice: ...not quite sure about the exact procedure...

Benny: Wait... you're telling me, that I just spent all this time building this piece of junk, and you aren't even sure if you can get the hell out of me?

Voice: ...maybe...

Benny: Are you and the f***ing Oracle related or something?

Voice: ...whats that supposed to mean.... was that a challenge to my ability to defend this planet from the kiddies...

Benny: It was a challenge as to whether or not you had the ability to count to ten, bitch.

Voice: ...why you....

Benny's body convulses violently.  He arches his back suddenly, as though someone is clawing out from inside his chest.  A ball of energy shoots out, and merges into the large body standing before Benny.

Large body: ...yes... raw power... now i am resurrected.... with the ability to defend cybertron to the end!  for i am now.... ACTION MASTER BAMT!

Benny: Bit over dramatic if you ask me...

The End

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