Geever: So, what do you want to do tonight Crawley
Crawley: The same thing we do every night Geever....
Geever: What's that Crawl?
Crawley: Try not to get our asses killed.
Geever: Oh yeah.
Scene: Geever and Crawley are sitting on a very familiar, yet
extremely nondescript location.
Crawley: (Flips a coin) Why are we sitting here? (The coin lands on
Geever: What do you mean? Where else would we go?
Crawley: Well, I don't know... I'm just curious. I mean, of
all the places to stop... why this one? (Tosses coin up)
Geever: Hmmm. I think we chose this spot because....
Crawley: Because what? (Coin lands on heads)
Geever: (Shrugs) Because it's fairly nondescript, yet oddly
Crawley: That makes no sense. I mean, shouldn't we find
cover or something? Protection from the weapons fire that may or may
not arrive. There are giant robots on this planet y'know.
Geever: Funny how we haven't seen any for a while, huh.
Crawley: Yes. Funny. (Flips coin, it lands on heads)
Geever: (Sits down) I have a question, Crawley.
Crawley: What's that? (Tosses coin up)
Geever: We've been on Cybertron, a planet composed almost completely
of technology, for what seems like months, right?
Crawley: (Coin lands on heads) I would have to give that a big
affirmative. (tosses coin up again)
Geever: And in all this time... how have we been finding food?
Or when was the last time we ate?
Crawley: (Coin drops to ground... lands on heads) I... don't
Geever: Y'know what? Neither do I. But we must
Crawley: (picks up coin) Yeah, we must have.
Geever: Yeah, I mean, you're still a tad portly...
Crawley: (Smacks Geever) Shut up.
Geever: Not to mention, when's the last time you remember shaving
Crawley: (Runs hand across head) Ummm... I don't....
Geever: Exactly. It's like there's some divine will forcing us
to survive in conditions that we know to be impossible. It's like
Crawley: (Looks at coin) What about it.
Geever: I bet you my entire collection of G1 transformers that it
lands on heads next time you flip it.
Crawley: (Flips coin, it lands on heads). Damn...
Crawley: What... what does this mean?
Geever: Well, probably nothing important...
Crawley: How so?
Geever: Well, my entire life, I think I've always suspected that I
am in fact not the main character of whatever grand story is playing
Crawley: And our bizarre situation confirms this how?
Geever: Well, think about it, if this were a story, and we were the
main characters, do you think the "writers" would leave in plot holes this
large? I mean, we're like "Brawn"
Geever: No one is really sure if Brawn is dead or alive. And
the writers never gave a flying rat fuck as to whether he was or not to
clear it up...
<Meanwhile, in a Nondescript location not that far from our side
Benny is collapsed on the floor, gasping for air.
Benny: I... I am... not... a... will not.... can't.... have...
Voice from the shadows: pathetic...
Voice: you... are pathetic.
Benny: I can't... I don't...
Voice: always the denials... always excuses... you
refuse to take responsibility for your own failures...
Benny: I... failures?
Voice: you've given up on finding the last autobot... you've let the
maximals become too powerful... and most of all... you've failed
The figure of Mr. Bamt rolls out of the shadows towards Benny.
Benny: you're... still... alive?
Mr. Bamt: wrong kiddie... i'm still dead... what you're seeing
right now.... is inside of you.
Mr. Bamt: i am inside of you... and i cannot accept this...
Mr. Bamt: there are organics running around this planet... i cannot
Benny: The... two other humans? The ones Phil Bond brought over?
Mr. Bamt: yes... them... sorry kiddie... but i'm taking over....
<A Short time later>
Crawley: So what does that say about you?
Geever: What do you mean?
Crawley: Can't you understand simple English?
Geever: Now are you saying I'm stupid?
Crawley: Well, aren't you?
Geever: When did you turn into a dick?
Crawley: Fuck you!
Geever: Statement! Haha! I win.
Crawley: This is such a stupid game...
Music: "Go Go Cactus Man" begins to play.
Geever: What the...?
A lone figure riding what can only be described as a bizarre
amalgamation of Thrust Drone parts combined into a mechanical horse enters
Crawley: Who the hell is that?
Benny (The figure): Not quite kiddies.
Crawley: A blue Benny from Total Recall with Cycle and Tank drone
weaponry strapped to him, riding in on a mechanical "horse"... while music
from Cowboy Bebop plays? Isn't this getting a tad bizarre?
A plasma bolt shoots from Benny's left shoulder cannon and hits
directly between Geever and Crawley.
Geever: I don't really care how weird things are getting... I
Crawley: Never heard a better plan in my life.
The two begin to run like gangbusters.
Crawley: Y'know how not that long ago we were really bored because
nothing seemed to ever happen to us?
Geever: (gasp) Yeah?
Crawley: (A plasma bolt barely misses his head) I miss that
Geever: Same here... hey look over there! (points at a
familiar manhole) He'll have to go on foot if we go down there!
Crawley: But do you know you're way around Cybertron's sewers?
Geever: Considering I don't know my way around Cybertron's surface,
I don't see how it matters...
Crawley: Point taken! (He dives into the manhole, his right arm
grasping the edge of the ladder, swinging his body around, and deftly
landing on his feet)
Geever: (Dives into the sewer lid, hits his head on six of the
ladder rungs, falls head first into the standing water, and scrambles to
Crawley: I honestly am much more impressed with your landing than
Geever: How so? (they continue running)
Crawley: You're still alive.
Benny's hulking figure lands deftly on his feet. His eyes
illuminate, brightly lighting the corridor around him.
Geever & Crawley: Holy f***ing shit.
Crawley: Okay, so *that* is impressive.
Geever: Less being impressed... more running...
The two turn the corner, passing by a brooding NickBee
NickBee: Who am I!!
Benny: (Rounding the corner) must... kill... organics... must...
find... last autobot... must kill... organics... must find... last...
NickBee: Uh... hello? (Benny runs by ignoring NickBee) That
was just strange.
As the chase continues, the three humans continue to go deeper into
Cybertron, going by layer and layer of Cybertronian history (which on the
way up will most likely be shown in a different order).
Geever: What did that last sign say, Crawl?
Crawley: I think it said "Iacon: Population 0 'cause they're all
Geever: Oh, that's comforting.
They run past a massive green hologram of a transformer
Geever: What was that back there?
Crawley: Oh that? That's just Prime.
Geever: That was a bad joke, dude.
Crawley: Shut up. And look out for the Monkey!
Crawley and Geever bowl over Primal, knocking him to the ground.
Primal: Ughh.. my head
Benny: (runs on top of Primal, stepping on his head)
Primal: friggin' punks!
Nightscream: You okay, Monkey Master?
Thrust: (Shoots Nightscream, and rolls out of the shadows)
Thrust: No problem.
Geever: Damn damn damn... he's still gaining on us!
Crawley: No he isn't, you dufus. He's slowing down.
Crawley: Can you imagine running with a Tank Drone gun and a Cycle
drone arm attached to your back?
Geever: So... if we keep this up...
Crawley: We should be able to eventually lose him! (A shot barely
misses Crawley's head) If he doesn't shoot us first! And why the heck does
he keep shooting at *me* instead of you... I mean, he's got a 50% chance
of picking one of us...
Geever: Wait! That gives me an idea! Heads!
Crawley: Hey, man, I told you earlier, I'm not into that
stuff. I like *girls*...
Geever: What? No, you sick f***! You still got that coin
Crawley: Yeah, so?
Geever: Toss it backwards!
Crawley: What? Why?
Geever: Trust me!
Crawley: (Twists in midstep, and whips the coin back towards
Benny. The Coin then smacks Benny straight in the middle of his
forehead, knocking him to the ground) How did you?
Geever: Told you it would always land on heads.
Crawley: I would hurt you right now if you hadn't just saved our
(The two duck around a corner, abandoning the fallen Benny)
Benny: must destroy organics... must find last autobot...
Gruff Voice: Did you say Autobot?
Gruff Voice: Well, kiddo, if you fetch me my medication, I think I
can help you with that Autobot thingie...
Tales of Cybertron, Part
<High in Orbit of Cybertron>
Unicron: My plans are coming to fruitation.
Bob Skir/DD: Yes, I've finally found the "mute" switch on our
Unicron: Soon, I shall use this shell as my messenger of
destruction. Cybertron will fall before me, and I shall return
BS/DD: Do you actually think it would work though? Even Hot
Rod ended up kicking your ass.
Unicron: Shut up Bob.
<and on the planet's surface>
Theodore (Noble): I will not let that fool abandon me again! I... I
want my revenge!
Nightscream: Noble! There you are!
Theodore: Uhh.... Woof Woof!
Nightscream: Good boy! Here's a Beggin' strip!
Theodore: yes... I want revenge and more Beggin' strips! (It's
Nightscream: Did you just say something Noble?
Theodore: Uhhh, no... Woof