The Diagnostic Drone, er, I mean, Bob Skir
Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes
 Episode Guide 
The Lost Episodes: A Fanfic of Not-Quite-Epic Proportions
Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes
Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes, Season 2 - Battle for the Manhole
Robots in Disguise: The Lost OAV
The Misdaventures of Phil Bond, Accidental Secret Agent
Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes F.A.Q. UPDATED: 16.DEC.2003

(All questions on this page are answered by Traegorn RavenHawk, unless otherwise noted)

Q. Blackarachnia and the Jusenkyo Virus?
A. Venus Terzo has performed many characters over the years.  One of her more famous is the voice of Female Ranma in the English Dub of Ranma 1/2.  Ranma is a guy who changes into a girl when hit with cold water.  It's a curse caused by getting dunked in a cursed spring at the Jusenkyo training ground.  Hence the Jusenkyo virus.  Although played by a different voice actress originally, Terzo made the character complete.  The Line "I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this" was never spoken by Terzo, but it just seems to fit.

Q. NickBee?  Where the Hell did you get that?
A. The Backstreet Boys "Larger than Life" video features 'Nick' in Bumblebee getup with yellow drones behind him.  Figure it out.

Q.  What's with Thrust referring to Highlander Characters when he's injured? (Duncan, Amanda, Methos, etc.)
A. Jim Byrnes, the actor who voices Thrust, was made famous playing the character Joe Dawson on the Highlander series.  Jim is a great actor, and like Terzo, I'm making references to other roles played by them.  Don't worry, I won't have Thrust play the guitar or anything....

Q.  Who is Spqqky?
A.  Spqqky is a seller on eBay who tends to get Transformers toys before they come out on the mass market.  He makes a killing off this as there are enough people out there who are willing to pay in excess of 1600% for a toy just to get it before everyone else.

Q.  Why is it spelled so funny?
A.  Because it looks cool.

Q.  How do you even say that?
A.  "Spqqky," duh.  Sound it out.

Q.  If Jetstorm was transported into the past in Episode 5, then shouldn't the Great War have been going on, and not toy selling?
A.  Uh, well... the toy manufacturers were, um... merchandising on the Great War!  Yeah, that's it!  Trying to keep the minds of the little brats -- I mean *children* -- off the nasty business going on about them.  No, no, that's not it.  Wait!  He was, uh, transported in a transwarp module with an experimental quantum power source... which, uh... changed his quantum signature, like in Star Trek, you know?  He crossed over dimensions!  Well, that's how Worf did it, and he and Troi got it ON!

Q.  In Episode 5, how can rain turn Blackarachnia into Tarantulas when *cold* water turns her female and *hot* water turns her male?
A.  Uh... it rains really *hot* on Cybertron.

Q.  Again, in Episode 5, who are these Crawley and Geever people?
A.  They are a couple of dudes that The Orange and Phil Bond know from High School.  Orange and Phil only just found out they were even TransFans when they ran into them at Botcon '99.  They can probably be seen slummin' around State Street in Madison, Wisconsin every so often.

Q.  Who are Phil Bond and The Orange?
A.  ... you have to ask?  The Orange is head honcho of the Boogaloo and TransFan extraordinaire.  Phil, while not as cool and froody as The Orange (fruity, even, if one considers the citrus-y nature of the pseudonym), he is a dude in his own right.  Go here  and here  for a better run-down.

Q.  Well, then who the hell is Traegorn RavenHawk (aka Trægonis)?
A. Dude, if you don't know that by now get the f*** off this page.  I mean really, Click on the "Author" link on the left if you don't know that.
[Update: Things have changed a bit on the site, but the "Authors" link will still get you info on TRH, but now Orange as well]

Q. Who is Mr. Bamt based off of?
A. I will now tell you the tale.  All names have been changed to hide the identities of the goons involved. There was a guy on the Beast Machines board at Ben Yee's, I mean Bee Yen's page.  The guy called him/herself (It was never established) SOULST... I mean EQUALNOX, yeah, that's the ticket.  Anyway, they cluttered the board, acted like a child, and appointed themself "Guardian of the Board".  So we made fun of him here.  Oh yeah, he insisted that the Moletank was a new General.

Q.  In Episode 6, why is Unicron's head still in orbit of Cybertron in the Lost Episodes, when it got blown away in season 3 of G1?
A. Uh.... Shut up you.  It was funny though, wasn't it?  Little old Diagnostic Drone pushing as hard as he could...  You can blame that one on me (TRH).  Even thought The Orange wrote that one, the Unicron head thing was my idea.

Q. In Episode 4, you admit that you might be following the official timeline with the Silverbolt/Waspinator issue.  Who is who in Lost Episodes?
A. Well, that's a damned good question.  I don't know yet.  I DON'T KNOW! AHHHHHHHHH!  I mean, Jeez, whatever's more convenient or amusing for me.  If I can write a scene where we describe how Thrust and Jetstorm switched sparks during a game of Canasta, so be it.  Other than that, who's who will be a mystery.  And a better kept one than the blatant "This one goes to the handsome gentleman with the Silver wings" kind.

Q. What Happened to "Me Tankorr"?  You announced it over a month ago...
A. Me Tankorr was the first fanfic for Beast Machines Lost Episodes that was written by The Orange  that, well, sucked.  It had some good bits that were salvaged and placed in other stories.  As you can see, The Orange got a second chance, and has redeemed himself as an author.  Bleah.

Q. Will Cheetor take over in The Lost Episodes?
A. NO! NO NO NO!  I'd have Rattrap take over long before Cheetor >Wink<.  Oh, damn it, now I'm turning into Bob Skir....

Q. Is The Orange taking over Writing Duties?
A. No, he's not.  Not completely anyways.  I, Traegorn RavenHawk, started the Lost Episodes.  I will never leave them (unless they end completely).  The reason it looks like the "Newest" stuff is written by The Orange is because we released the Episodes out of order.  As in, Episode 5 went online not to long after Episode 3, and Episodes 4 and 6 went online at the same time.  Will The Orange write episodes 7 and 8?  Who knows.  I'm already planning ahead for my next Cybertronian Excursion....

Q. Why is the Diagnostic Drone called Bob Skir?
A. I thought it was funny.  I mean, come on, the drone has a habit of bringing in things that are merely plot devices (Megatron's Beast mode, etc...).  I like to think of him as the bug to squash as a writer.  They character who Manipulates the people who are manipulating him... Oh well...

Q. Who is Benny, and what is up with him combining with Mr. Bamt?
A.  Well, we could call him a Headmaster, but that would require the use of his head... But I digress.  See Total Recall, ya' freak!  Jeez.  If you see the movie, then you'll understand.

Q.  Y2k didn't cause disaster, yet you still have Phil Bond battling an Apocalyptic world.  What gives?
A. Ok, for one, can't you just imagine Phil battling an Apocalyptic world with nothing but a G1 Megatron toy gun?  I mean, come on!  By the way, this shall bring up my (TRH) argument that Y2k caused the Death of Optimus Prime.  You see, Optimus wasn't Y2k compliant, so his system crashed when it hit.  Perceptor tried to rebuild him, but did a crappy job.  A job so crappy, that it left him with a weak spot in his shoulder.  A spot so weak, that even one blast of Megatron (that he could previously laugh off) could kill him.  Now I shall pour sugar in your mother's gas tank.

Q. I heard a Rumor that there is a secret Lost Episodes project to create a CGI version of NickBee, and that they plan on using it to take over the world?
A. No and Yes... I mean, Yes and no! Yes and no!  Damn.  Well, in truth, we've been playing around with some programs (Poser 4, Ray Dream Studio, etc.) to throw together a possible CGI NickBee... What would we do with it?  Probably make it dance and laugh to ourselves.  Nothing useful my friends, nothing useful.  And I already rule the world.  Sheesh, Clinton is an animatronic puppet I keep in my basement.

Q. Why are Episodes 7 and 8 hosted on a different server?
A. Okay, when the Orange writes an episode, he first uploads it to the Boogaloo server, I copy it over to my server, and then I link it.  I felt like skipping that middle step this time.  You got a problem with that? (Actually, they aren't anymore -- but they were for a few weeks)

Q. In Episode 8, what the hell is Blackarachnia doing to Silverbolt!?!?!?!?!?!?
A. If I have to tell you....   She's actually just scratching him behind the "ears", I mean, come on... This is *Silverbolt*, not Rattrap...

Q. In Episodes 7 & 8, Silverbolt shows up, but which Vehicon is he?  You never say!!
A. The Orange is a bitch.  Get over it. >grin<.

Q. Why does Nightscream at one point say "oot" instead of "out"?  Is that a typo, or is he Canadian.
A. Oddly enough, I had the same question.  The Orange insists that it was on purpose, and the Nightscream is a Canadian.  No wonder he is such a bitch.  He gets the new episodes before Rattrap does. (Rattrap with the Brooklyn slang in the REAL show's Episode 6...)

Q. Can you guys Quit with the Pie stuff?  And what's with the "Starscream's Gay" thing you guys just did?  Are you TRYING to be TFWW?
A. Okay, I tried to make the Orange not use too many TFWW jokes.  I mean, I guess it was my fault.  I started bringing in the Pie jokes (An obvious TFWW rip... I mean, homage), but Orange boy just had to make the Starscream is Gay joke.  Sheesh.

Q. What's wrong with NickBee in Episodes 7/8, why is he acting so weird?
A. The organic ooze has a strange effect on NickBee -- you see, only his Head is organic.  So it kind of got him drunk in a sense....

Q. What's up with the whole Episode 9a, 9b/10, etc?
A. They all overlap, so they are sort of the same episode, but sort of not.

Q. Wait a second, Phil Bond isn't the guy who bought Jetstorm from Spqqky on eBay...
A. May I remind you, that this is a fanfic. A FANFIC I TELL YOU!

Q. Hey, I was just wondering what would happen if Blackarachnia got hit by lukewarm water?  Would she get turned into Pat of Saturday Night Live fame?
A. No, it would return her to Blackarachnia form.

Q. Also is the Jusenkyo Virus an STD (servotronically transmitted disease)?  It'd be a better excuse than that stupid goo to bring Silverbolt in for cameos (for some reason I keep expecting him to spout "Ha-Ha, Comet Guy!" but that's just me).
A. Okay, no.  No no no.  The Jusenkyo "virus" is really based off of the fictional Jusenkyo Cursed Springs.  If you are unfamiliar with Ranma 1/2, then you'll just have to accept that 1. No one is going to catch it 2. BA can't get rid of it.

Q. What happened to Unicron and/or Megatron/Galvatron?  Why hasn't The Orange killed Bob Skir for taking his G1 Megatron yet?
A. All will be revealed.... kidding.  All that stuff will be dealt with in Season 2 of the Lost Episodes (Which will premiere in September).  And Orange hasn't killed him, because though I (TRH) have brought myself in as an omnipotent being, Orange has himself as a side character.

Q. Why was Orange going to Waukesha?
A. Hehe... Wouldn't you like to know.

Q. When is Episode 10/13 coming out?
A. Might be a little while.  But be patient -- it will be worth the wait.  It will be cowritten by Orange and myself (TRH), and probably end up being the longest Lost Episode you've ever seen. It's gonna rock.
So, it already came out.  Happy now?

Q. Why did Tankorr bring Phil Bond to Cybertron in the first place?
A. To make Megatron worry.  Tankorr WAS going to set up Optimus and Megatron so that they would destroy each other, but due to the event in Episode 5 - A Day in the Life (of Jetstorm), he decided to throw Phil into the mix.  It's for this reason that the Diagnostic drone suggests to Megatron that they attack Phil on Earth.  That way, a majority of Megatron's forces are preoccupied, weakening Megatron to the point where they can be effective against Megatron.  Then Tankorr can come in and take over.  Doesn't quite work out that way, though.

Ep 10/13

Q. Why is Megatron trying to destroy Phil Bond?
A. Megatron likes control, and he can't control Phil.  Basically, Phil is an unknown to Megatron and as such Megatron doesn't want to take any chances.  The Maximals, on the other hand, have proven their inability to do anything to Megatron for an entire season, so he can afford to divert his attention to this new menace.

Q. What is the deal with Blackarachnia jumpstarting the Plasma Energy Chamber with her "ghetto-booty?"
A. This was taken from the line in her bio, "Two stinger legs disrupt/overload any electronic system."  This is exactly what Plasma Energy does to technologically-based life forms.  From what we've seen in the show, the effect of her stingers looks a LOT like Plasma Energy, so I we theorized that she has a miniature Plasma Energy generator inside her massive abdomen, hence it's size.  I hope that clears things up.

Q. Is Mr. Bamt really dead?
A. Yes.  And no.  It's kinda complicated.  I'm sure episode 14 will only confuse you further, so for now let's just say we have *big plans* for Benny...

Q. What happened to the tank drones that were sent to Earth to destroy Phil?
A. The same thing that happened to Jetstorm, they ended up in Spqqky's clutches (that's how he gets ALL his toys so early, didn't you know?).  Instead of selling them on eBay, he decides to send them on a raid in Washington D.C., as chronicled in the Phil Bond side story, Mr. Ngo.  As for what happens to them after that... well...

Q. Who the heck is THUGGED_OUT?
A. Just some guy who went around terrorizing message boards.  Don't worry, he got what he deserved... heh heh...

Q. Why did Optimus get mad when he saw Marv Wolfman's treatments for Beast Wars season 4?  Didn't he like them?
A. Quite the contrary, he was so angry that it was so skewered into what Beast Machines became that he just... lost it.

Q. Who the heck are Chas and Mick?
A. They are characters in an as of yet unpublished book that TheOrange has written called, believe it or not, "1013: End of the Line" (Happy coincidences...).  Since the criteria for existing in that novel's universe and the Lost Episodes universe are so similar, and since they take place in about the same time frame, we figured that they should make a cameo.

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